The genesis of every venture begins
with a problem, a predicament that requires fixing. Some are nobler than
others: providing for others, self-improvement, general betterment of mankind,
etc. A majority of the time, the reason can be traced to the pursuit of
financial assets. Whatever the case may be, each project is a result of a
specific cause or affliction that affects its creator. This is no exception.
Translation: I’m doing this shit for a reason, so listen up.
The
motivation to create this blog lies closer to affliction than anything else.
More specifically, my stupid, useless head (insert phallic joke here). You see,
ever since I was young I have had an unhealthy obsession with basketball. The
first person I am going to lay the blame on is Michael Jordan. Now, he was
pretty good at basketball. And he also happened to be in his prime during my
formative years. Good enough reason to get into the sport, right? Well that
leads us to the second (and final) person I am going to blame for all of this:
myself. You see, when I enjoy something, it takes precedence over anything that
does not entertain me as much. This can include eating, sleeping, primary body
functions and the such. More often than not it ended up being homework. In
conclusion, the individual factors of Michael Jordan being the shit and my
obsessive personality morphed and created the monster that I am today. My first
full memory is receiving one of those Little Tikes basketball hoops for
Christmas when I was 3, and pretending to be MJ for hours before even opening
any of my other gifts. While most adolescents were (I’m assuming) committing to
memory the basics of science and mathematics in school, I was filling my mind
with the names of largely irrelevant NBA role players such as Slava Medvedenko,
Olden Polynice, and Lawrence Funderburke. I still have a DVD in my room called
Dunks 2. That’s right, a DVD. That means I was at least 13 when I bought it. I
don’t regret that purchase one bit.
Seriously, look at that form. Straight up balla'.
Fact of the matter is, I have not grown out of this fixation as much as I would like. While I retain very basic human functionality, I am limited in my ability to actually improve myself. What I’m getting at is that I’ve hit the inevitable point in my life where I have simply run out of room in my mind. I imagine that when I receive new information, it simply pushes aimlessly against the gray mush that is my brain, unable to find any new entry points. My head is literally filled to the brim with tidbits such as the complete roster of the 1998 Chicago Bulls (keep on representin', Scott Burrell) and theories about why Kobe inexplicably shaved his glorious afro. I’m afraid of what may happen if my brain conceivably overloads. I see myself standing in line at the bank, yelling at the poor soul next to me, “HOW IS HAKEEM OLAJUWON STILL UNDERRATED?! HE IS THE 4TH GREATEST CENTER OF ALL TIME! LOOK AT OLD HIGHLIGHTS OF HIM! IT’S BASKETBALL PORN!!!” Needless to say, this type of behavior would have negative consequences.
So
here we are. I am trying to unload some of this potentially dangerous
information on you people. “Thanks!” you say, “This is exactly what I was
looking to do with my free time. Also, just wondering, what does the name of
your blog represent?” Well gee, I’m glad you asked. I was actually wondering
how I was going to shoehorn that into this dialogue. Simply enough, I have an
end table next to my bed at home. It is relatively nondescript: wood, a little
more than two feet tall. But it is where I dump everything. Looking at it now I
see multiple bank statements, sunglasses, a camera, a tissue box, toenail
clippers, the charger for something that I’m assuming I’ve never used before,
and a pile of resumes. The parallel between that table and this blog is (hopefully)
apparent. This is my landfill.
In all seriousness
though, I do actually enjoy writing, and sports take up a large portion of my
life. As my old roommates will tell you, I am more than willing to debate any
topic in sports until I am proven correct. This isn’t my first attempt at a
blog, although my previous endeavor was, admittedly, crap. It had no focus and
tried to do way too much, and too little. My hope is that this effort will be
incrementally better than the last, and that by my 14th attempt
sometime in 2048 I will actually approach genuinely inspired work. In the mean
time, I can hopefully free up the room in my head to learn how to drive a car without
rear ending whatever vehicle stops in front of me. That’s progress, ladies and
gentlemen!
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